The Girl Who Loved
by Super Nintendo Power
Summary: Meaninglessly deleted by the moderators of Fanfiction dot net, The Girl Who Loved brings her classic story back out of sheer spite. Satire. FemHarry.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hey guys. I just thought I'd like to let you know that the following story is in fact a parody, and not a reflection on how I see the world. I have attempted to post this story elsewhere, and I have never claimed that it was a joke before. As a result, I have been assuaulted by the fandom for the words that follow. I do not belive I will ever continue the story, but I'd like to hear people tell me how what worked and what didn't.

The original story has added authors notes where I came up with a whole bunch of lies on where I get my inspiration from. If you're interested in that, or the original reviews, the original story is still on this site, under my profile.

...

Flower Potter was the happiest girl in the whole world.

It was kind of hard not to be, as Flower believed everything in her life to be perfect. She had fantastic friends who loved to praise her, an Aunt and Uncle who let her get away with murder, and a cousin she loved dearly.

Flower had a perfect life that was for sure. And she knew the reason why.

She was perfect.

…

Flower was lying in her secret lair, a closet under the stairs, getting high off speed and ecstasy while studying for her Calculus Six final.

Flower sighed as she turned the page of her book. It was extremely boring to read something you had known since the age of four. However, she had to review to make sure she hadn't forgotten any crucial details. Which, admittedly, was kind of a joke, as Flower never forgot anything.

Flower's mind drifted to money. Dudley and Flower had already gone through their allowances, mostly spent on various drugs and the occasional Snickers bar, and Flower honestly had no idea how to make more.

Flower wondered how hard it would be to graduate high school early and get a job. It would probably be easy for her school work related, but it might be difficult to get through the fact that she wasn't eighteen yet. Flower was reluctant to admit to herself that most children her age were insane and incredibly stupid. Most of them were still virgins, for The Author's sake! Flower sighed again, and threw the textbook against the wall. Sleep would be good. She might even lose a tooth in her sleep and get some money from the Tooth fairy.

…

Flower woke up the next morning feeling somewhat groggy, yet she went outside and did a thousand pushups, just like any other morning. It wasn't until she was in the shower soaking off all the sweat, did she realize what day it was.

Dudley's birthday.

And she spent all of her money on drugs, again!

Flower was furious with herself.

Every year, she always forgot to get Dudley something on his birthday. It was kind of pathetic, actually. Flower always had to run to a store and get quickly. And now she had forgotten: Again!

Flower realized very quickly that her lack of money at the moment was a huge issue. If she couldn't buy anything, then she couldn't get Dudley his present. If he didn't get his present, he may get mad at her. And if he got mad, he might not let her share all of the cocaine and heroin that was lying in his closet.

Flower reached an incontrovertible decision. To get Dudley's present on time, she would have to abuse her… abilities.

…

DUH DUH DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH.

…

Flower ran to the nearest toy store three miles away in six minutes. She dashed inside, looking around for something Dudley would like. Her eyes fell on a Playstation 360. She shook her head and laughed. She moved on to the newest Nintendo system, which pretty much owned the competition due to the fact that it actually plays games and doesn't have a fixed bug in the programming that forces you to buy a new one after a year. She nodded.

At once, the glass slid aside, and Flower grabbed the system, looking around anxiously. She headed for the exit.

She did not pay!

…

Flower tossed the box in with all of Dudley's other presents and sat down at the kitchen table. Her aunt Petunia smiled at her as she heaped a generous pile of bacon on Flower's plate.

"Here you go, dear. Eat up!"

"Thank you." Flower said politely, before devouring the delicious bacon.

Her Uncle Vernon chuckled.

"Thatta girl. Take what you can get away with and be polite about it. Remember that."

Flower rolled her eyes. Vernon said that every morning, for some reason.

"Where's Dudley?" Flower asked.

"Still in bed." Petunia answered. "He needs his rest if he wants to enjoy his big day!"

…

After a very enjoyable breakfast, Flower and Dudley went through all of his presents, much to their excitement. Dudley absolutely loved his new Video game system ("Wait until my friends hear that I have a video game system that actually has fun games to play!") And Flower was very interested in Dudley's life size remote control tank, which fired balls of bubble wrap so hard it could give someone a concussion.

All Flower wanted to do at this point was to go upstairs and get high off of Dudley's stash of Heroin, but unfortunately, Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon had other plans.

"We're going to the zoo!" Aunt Petunia cheerfully reminded Flower as she was trying to sneak upstairs. "Get ready!"

Flower groaned. Like most incredibly mature children, Dudley and Flower absolutely hated doing this kid stuff.

But… Piers was going to be there…

"Cool. I'll get ready." Flower said, smiling at Petunia, before she turned and skipped down the stairs.

A whole day with Piers… Hmm… It could be fun. Where there any good places to do it quickly and quietly in a zoo? Flower could not think of such a place: She would burn that bridge as she passed it, or whatever that saying was.

...

Flower bit her lip and tugged at her collar while unsubtly uncrossing her legs when Piers entered the room. Of course, being Piers, he just smiled at her. What a fuckhead.

Dudley frowned at Piers. Flower reminded herself that Piers was Dudley's friend, not hers, and she should stay out of their way for a while, at least until Piers initiated contact. Then she would have some real fun. Hehehehehehe….

Flower contented herself to sexual daydreams on the ride over to the Zoo, staring out the window imagining Piers using superpowers to clone himself and surround her, and hold her down and rip off her clothes with a knife and try to force himself on her. She would resist of course, but in the end…

Flower was jolted out of her fantasy by the fact that they had arrived.

….

Flower wandered around the Zoo by herself, eating a gigantic cone of expensive ice cream the Dursleys had bought her. Dudley and Pier's had gone off on their own, so Aunt Petunia gave Flower permission to run around on her own.

Flower was disappointed in the lack of boys around, however. It was a school day, after all. So she contented herself with looking for areas where she could be alone with Piers for a half an hour or so. Those bushes were too close to the path. Flower didn't know the chances of an employee walking in on them in an emplyee's only area. And someone was bound to notice someone of the wrong gender in a public bathroom.

Flower was at a loss of what to do as she glanced at the lion's den.

Then she remembered her powers.

She examined the Lion's area more closely. The rock was big enough to hide behind. Flower could use her powers to bend the bars wide enough for a opening, close it, use her powers to prevent the lions from eating her and Piers while they did it, and then rush outside before anybody noticed anything wrong.

The only thing wrong with this plan as far as Flower could see was Piers seeing her powers in action, which Flower was somewhat nervous about. Flower quickly reached the conclusion that she should look for a better spot, but would use this one if it proved necessary.

Flower sprinted back to the Reptile house to see if Piers was back yet. He wasn't, so Flower used her powers to talk to the Snakes.

Flower absolutely adored Snakes, if only because she had the ability to converse with them. Most of them were really very nice if you talked to them for a while.

She was discussing the finer points of Beethoven's fifth symphony with a Python from the Amazon when a tap came to her shoulder. She turned around with a bright smile, expecting Piers lips to meet hers… But instead she received a punch to the face. Flower was slammed against the floor, and she gazed up at her attacker in horror.

It was….. ….. …. Mary Sue!

Mary Sue was Flower's polar opposite. Ugly and fucked up in the head, she went around telling everyone she was beautiful and intelligent and stuff. Flower honestly could not stand her and longed for her to get the fuck out of her life. However, Mary Sue considered Flower a rival of sorts, so she constantly failed to harass and ridicule Flower.

"Hello, you ugly, drug addicted, skank." Mary Sue said, staring down at Flower with ill disguised glee.

"It's not an addiction if you can quit whenever you want. And I'm not a skank. I do it for the pleasure, not the money, fuckface."

Mary Sue grinned. "Oh, I doubt that very much."

Flower sighed. Using her martial arts skills she was born with, she launched herself into the air and kicked Mary Sue in the face. The Sue went staggering backwards. Flower took the opportunity to turn around and remove the glass from the windows using her powers. She called the snake forth, and it obeyed, slithering quickly.

"Kill." Flower said quietly.

The Snake bit Mary Sue three times. By now people were screaming.

"In the cage, or they'll kill you." Again, the Snake obeyed. Flower replaced the glass and stared dispassionately at Mary Sue.

"This is what you get when you mess with your betters, you silly bitch." Flower said coldly. She kicked her. "I'm better then you. I will always be better then you. Telling yourself otherwise was just a form of delusion." Flower kicked her twice more. Mary Sue looked like she was trying to say something, but the words wouldn't come out of her dying mouth. "Have fun in hell, asshole!" Flower smashed Mary Sue's face with her foot, and the last light left Mary Sue's eyes. Satisfied, Flower walked out of the Reptile house, looking for a bathroom to wash her shoes clean of all the blood.

A/N: Yeah... I'm sorry, fans of the original story, 'The Girl Who Loved.' I got an e-mail today saying that my story was deleted for violating the contract, which is bullshit. So I'm re-posting it, one chapter at a time.

Fight the Power!

- Serenade


	2. Fight for Love and Justice

Flower grinned maliciously as she observed the scene at the Reptile house from a distance.

The body had been removed. Flower had watched from her position leaning against a wall. Now the cops had arrived and were questioning witnesses.

Flower was not worried about being caught. In the real world, pretty little girls can get away with anything, which is the main reason why Fanfiction. Net writers typically cannot get away with shit. Flower reasoned that the cops would just decide that the crowd had killed Mary Sue and arrest them all. Flower decided to find the Dursley's quickly so they could leave before someone decided Vernon, with his gigantic mustache and kindly face, was accused of being the murderer.

Flower raised her hand and rotated her thumb downward, giving off a thumbs down sign to the spot where she had murdered Mary Sue. She then skipped away from the wall, towards the gift shop.

Flower smiled as she noticed Piers, who was ripping apart a giant stuffed blue hedgehog into tiny bits.

"And that was for having such a shitty VA." Piers said, as he ripped the Hog's head off.

Just then, Master Chief, the world's most overrated video game protagonist, walked in front of Piers.

Piers looked up, and laughed.

"Hey, it's that guy!" Piers said, standing up. "Hey buddy! What's it like to be in a video game franchise that completely blows? You've had like… what…" Piers frowned in mock concentration. "No good games, right?"

Master Chief nodded.

"I was hoping you, Piers Polkiss, would inform me on how to become a good video game hero."

"Answer: You can't!" Piers said with glee, as he decapitated Master Chief with his lightsaber. "I'm sorry, but Halo fans are so full of shit, you really don't deserve to live. Everyone knows COD is better anyway. It has Captain Price, for the Author's sake!"

"Ahem." Flower coughed as she thrust out her eleven year old chest and prepared her sultriest smile.

"Oh!" Piers smile faded as he saw it was Flower. "Flower! Ummm… What's up?"

"I'll tell you what's up." Flower said seductively, walking slowly nearer to piers with tiny steps. "You just murdered an overrated video game hero in cold blood." She licked her lips. "Even though the fans will insist that would never be possible."

"Light sabers can cut through anything." Piers said dismissively. "If those fucks think that Master Chief was immune to Light sabers, then they've never read this fanfic."

"Hmmm." Flower said, stroking the side of Pier's face. "You have blood on your cheek. Here, let me get that." She leaned closer, and began sucking Master Chief's blood off of Pier's face. Pier's shoved her off.

"Come on, Flower." He complained. "At least let me take a shower first."

"No!" Flower protested. "I want you in me right now!"

"What's all this?" Vernon asked, as the Dursley's came into view. Piers and Flower looked at each other, flushed, and looked away quickly.

"Ah, nothing!" Flower squeaked.

"Nothing at all." Piers said, more smoothly.

Vernon's eyes narrowed.

A girl was murdered in the reptile house today. Flower, I told you to stop killing people you don't like."

"But the only people I don't like are total fuckwads!" Flower said defensively. "They deserve to die!"

Vernon sighed. "Very well. If I really can't stop you." He turned to Dudley. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yes, let's leave." Dudley said quietly.

Suddenly, an ANYMOUS REVIEWOR DROPPED OUT OF NOWHERE INSULTING MY BRILLIANT CREATIONS BECAUSE HE CAN NOT GET LAID.

"Shot gun, please, Dudley." Flower said politely.

Dudley handed his Shotgun to Flower, and she shot the reviewer, killing him instantly.

"Maybe if you washed your hair, you might have gotten laid last year, when you were eleven!" Mary Sue snarled. She turned to Vernon. "I'm ready, let's go."

Flower spent the entire car ride home trying to figure out a way to sneak Piers into the house so they could do some hardcore drugs like Cocaine and Morphine while they had awesome child sex that fuckwads like Charlie Sheen would pay millions of dollars to watch on film. The last time Flower had gotten laid was when before school let out on Tuesday, which was nearly two days ago. She needed relief, damn it. Someone to make her feel les s then perfect. Someone who was willing to hit her, and call her his bitch.

None of these plans came to fruition, however. Piers just went home. He promised to masturbate to her yearbook photo before he went to sleep, though. That should count for something. Flower wondered when she would see him again.

Flower smoked a little pot as she reviewed her essay on why Japanese people are actually hellspawn from another dimension bent on destroying us kind hearted normal people by shitting out ridiculous technology and bullshit animated TV shows and unbelievably awful comic books, which were even more awful then their American counterparts.

She shouldn't have bothered, as all of her sources, citations, and facts were completely correct.

Just then, an owl slammed into her bedroom window. Flower sighed and put down her essay to go put the bird out of it's misery.

It turned out to be carrying a letter. Flower examined the letter warily as the bird roasted over her fire.

Dear Ms. Potter,

You have been accepted into Hogwarts School of Bitchcraft and Kickassery. You have met all of our ridiculous qualifications. Only the very best are allowed to attend our presitigous school, and we are very pleased to accept you into our ranks.

I would also like to congratulate you into being accepted as one of the Top ten freshmen being brought in this year. This means that some standard rules, such as curfew, the ban on sexual intercourse, ban on out of school visits, requirement to do typical homework assignments, and standard uniform will not be compulsory for you, as long as your remain extremely pretty and pass all of your tests.

However, you may be asked to do some work for the administration. These jobs vary slightly, but we are sure someone of your skill can handle them excellently.

Term begins on September First. Your Rocket ship ticket is enclosed with this letter. I look forward to meeting you in person.

Sincerely,

Professor Severus Snape,

Co- Deputy Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Bitchcraft and Kickassery.

Flower was so caught up in the elaborateness of the prank that she nearly let the bird burn. She hastily yanked it off the fire and munched on it while scanning her book list.

She had heard never heard of Hogwarts. It was odd, because most Elite private schools that tried to recruit her into their ranks at least were super famous. But Hogwarts was an unknown. How strange.

That probably meant it was a Multi-billion dollar school. That meant lots of rich boys would be there. Rich guys were always super hot.

It looked like Flower was about to get laid… and love every second of it.

Suddenly, another owl came tapping on her window. Flower didn't want seconds, but she killed it anyway and stuffed it in her personal refridegarator and examined her new letter.

Dear Ms. Potter,

I would like to inform you that you are going to die in the next chapter. You see, I am going to kill you if you do not follow my instructions explicitly. Firstly, I want you to transfer all of your money into my Gringotts account. Then, I want you to drop out of Hogwarts. Or, alternatively, somehow get a scar across your face that diminishes your beauty. Then-

Flower rolled her eyes and threw the paper into the trash can. It must be the owl version of spam. She resolved to use her powers to set up a literal fire wall outside her window to keep unwanted letters out.

She munched on her owl, thinking about Hogwarts. What was this school? Would it actually teach things or just ask stupid rhetorical questions that the teachers did not know the answer too? Were the teachers hot? Flower amused herself for a minute, imagining other girls having intercourse with a teacher that looked sort of like Link of Zelda fame who kept giving them D's and C's. Flower of course was ranked A-plus. The teacher smiled at her and invited her to come back later. Hmm… That would be nice. He would have chains and whips and call her his bitch, like a real man should.

…

The next morning, Flower ate her second owl, cursing the Greek goddess of Wisdom for being a stupid, ignorant bitch. She did some crack , and went outside for a run.

She ran ten miles in fifteen minutes, which was good, but not her best. Flower reasoned that the drugs must be finally getting to her.

Flower noticed a sparkling man brooding while a emo girl pressed against him, whining into his ear. Figuring this was some kind of ridiculous stunt for some sort of charity, Flower went to check it out.

"But I want to be a vampire!" The girl whined. "Eddie, please. Stick your penis into me. Or make me immortal, I don't care which."

"You want to be a monster, like me?" Eddie asked.

"You're not a monster! You're beautiful! I want to be like you!" Isabella simpered, plastering against him, fluttering her eyelashes. "Besides, I'm really good in bed. Rawr!"

"Hm." Flower said. "This is really good acting. So let me get this straight. The gay guy is a vampire, and still in a closet somewhere. The girl doesn't care about him, but she does want immortality and to fuck a gay guy."

"You stupid bitch!" Isabella snarled. "I care about him!"

"Please." Flower scoffed. "Your body language says otherwise."

"You…" Isabella grimaced. "Prepare for Mortal Kombat!"

"What?" Flower asked, blinking rapidly. "Why are you challenging me to Moral Kombat? I just gave my opinion on what your acting was saying about your character."

"We're not acting." Eddie said quietly.

Flower face palmed. "Shit."

"Round one." Eddie said as he stepped back from the combatants. "Fight."

Flower flexed her muscles. "A pansy emo girl who can't live without a man, eh? This is going to be easier then that time I killed Navi in Ocarina of Time."

Isabella slammed her fist into Flower's face so hard it knocked two of her teeth out. Flower staggered for a moment, but regained her balance. She raised her hand to her face to feel the blood coming from her mouth.

"Ow. Shit. Good thing those teeth were coming out, anyway." Flower muttered as she got into her fighting stance. "Oi! How the fuck did an emo chick get so tough, anyway? Emo's are pathetic people who refuse to stick up for themselves or improve themselves in any way."

Isabella laughed. "Bitch." She rushed Flower and smacked her across the face. Flower was reeling as Isabella delivered an uppercut, knocking Flower to the ground.

"Winner: Isabella." Eddie said as Isabella waved and smiled. Flower jumped up to her feet and prepared herself. "Round Two: Begin."

Isabella tried to rush Flower again, but Flower was ready for her this time. One jab in the face. Grab. Several attacks to the stomach. She's out!

"Flower wins. Round three."

"You stupid bitch!" Isabella screamed. She leapt to her feet and began rotating in midair. She stuck out her leg and attempting to smash Flower into it.

But Flower was done with this shit.

She grabbed Isabella's leg and slammed her into the ground. Isabella screamed as every bone in her face was broken into a thousand pieces. Flower threw her into the air, and she landed with a loud thump. Isabella moaned as she got to her feet.

"Finish her!" Eddie commanded. Flower nodded.

"I'm going to kill you, you stupid bitch." Flower said coldly. "Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, right, Low Punch, High punch, Select, start!"

The sky darkened as Flower prepared her finishing move. She pulled Flowers out of her pocket and handed them to Isabella.

"For you." Flower said with a smile.

"FRIENDSHIP. FRIENDSHIP."

"AHHHHHH. RRLY?" Isabella asked, her misshapen face twisted into something that tried to be a smile. THnx, Sis!"

"No problem. You deserve them." Flower said as Isabella made a grab for the Flowers.

Suddenly, the flowers opened and something small flew out and into Isabella's mouth.

"Oh." Flower said, her smile widening. "I forgot that was in there!"

"Wht did u du!" Isabella said, something like panic in her messed up voice.

Suddenly, Isabella winced in pain. Something Snakelike was creating a giant hole in her skin. Before long, there were thousands of them, devouring every edible bit of Isabella from the inside out.

"Oops." Flower said with glee. "Sorry."

"Sorry?" Eddie came as he came striding over. "You, my friend, have lifted her curse on me! You have given me courage! I shall now go and admit to my family that I am in love with Jake!"

"Yeah, that's the thing, no you're not." Flower said as she shoved him into Isabella's skeleton. Eddie screamed as her parasites moved onto his body, and devoured him in absence of their original host's flesh.

"Ah, murdering homosexuals. I love community service."

With that, Flower headed home, wondering whether Dudley had any Cocaine left in his stash.


	3. The Girl Who Loved Returns Sneak Peek

The GIrl Who Loved Returns

A girl trudged her way through the snow, as a sub zero wind pelted her back. The Girl was very cold, although nowhere near death. Indeed, the Girl was warming herself up, second by second, with the knowledge that with every step she took, would bring her one step closer to her destination.

One step closer. Two steps closer. Three steps closer to all the people she needed to see.

It was funny, she thought. These men were feared throughout the Universe for ridding the world of the Great Old Ones, and yet...

Flower rubbed her left arm, deep in thought. Surely, surely, if she could meet these men, they could tell her if she was ready to fight Him again.

The Past three years had not treated the girl well. Flower's clothes were tattered and filthy. Her skin was battered and bruised, and the once beautiful child had now grown into an awkward, bitchy teenager.

However, the one thing Flower cared about was within in her reach, and these things meant little to her now. Just a little bit further, and everything would be alright.

Flower shivered as she looked through the blizzard, trying to make out any sort of building. But the snow was so thick, nothing could be seen for more then a few yards.

just a little bit further she thought to herself. Just a little bit further, and then you can get yourself warm, have a nice dinner, maybe meet a nice guy. And sleep with...

Sleep. That was all Flower wanted. All she wanted to do was curl up and pass out. Warmth would come then, surely.

Sure, sleeping out in the cold was probably a bad idea, but Flower would cross that bridge when she came across it. As she fell to the ground, the thought crossed her mind that she could really use a guy to warm up her legs...

"Dammit, girl! Get up! Up!" Flower briefly recalled her lovely Aunt Petunia as she cracked her eyes open.

"Bro... leave me alone. I'm trying to take a nap."

"Flower, if you sleep here, you're going to die!" The Snow White Owl said, as she pecked Flower's up. "Up! Up!"

"Oh, hey Hedwig." Flower said sleepily. She yawned as she sat up. "It's been a while."

"Never mind that, now!" Hedwig said quickly. "If you don't keep moving, you're going to die!"

Hedwig took off and grabbed Flower's arms with her talons. She took to the air, lifting Flower on her feet before dropping her again. "There's a sort of community just a bit further. Follow me, and I'll lead you to it!"

"Stay low." Flower murmured as she took a few steps. "You're pure white. I can't see far."

As the girl staggered through the snow, the owl soared over her head, offering her friendly advice in a soft, motherly manner. If Flower fell over again, Hedwig did not think she could help her up.

Flower was strong, yes, but Hedwig had absolutely no idea how long she could last like this.

"This is boring." Flower complained, as she took another step. "It's so... cold... and nothing... to do..." She yawned, and her eyes drooped.

"Dammit, Flower!" Hedwig snapped as she dove down and smacked her across the head with her wing. "Stay awake!"

But Flower was too long gone. The force of Hedwig's blow had knocked her over, and she happily keeled over, and was quickly absorbed by the snow.

"Flower!" Hedwig said frantically, as she frantically flew circles around the spot where she had fallen. "Flower!"

But Flower did not poke her head out of the snow, with her feral smile and her playful banter.

And then an arrow pierced her wing. Hedwig screeched in alarm as she plummeted into the snow. Although Hedwig was in great pain, she knew that she was being hunted. she adjusted her body to hide the blood and make herself look like an ordinary clump of snow. She could not take off again when someone with a Bow and Arrows was running about.

As Hedwig did this, she could clearly see a figure coming in through the blizzard. Hedwig tried to still her beating heart, halfway convinced the hunter could hear it over the blizzard. The Hunter looked around, doubtless for his prey, and took several steps to Hedwig's location. Hedwig held her breath, trying to keep still, as the man stepped closer and closer.

He stopped. He looked down, and began digging through the snow. He reached down and brought out a hand. A Human hand. He then reached down and pulled out Flower, whose skin was turning blue. He adjusted his hold on her, and walked away.

Hedwig's inital panic turned to relief, and then to horror. There was no telling what that figure was, or who it was working for, or what it would do to Flower. Quickly, she hobbled to her feet, and took to the sky.

...

As Flower awoke, she found herself in a brightly lit room. As she adjusted herself, she realized that she was covered in blankets. She pushed the blankets to the side, and got to her feet. She looked over her body.

"Nothing's missing." She muttered, as she checked her fingers. One, two, three, four, five. She checked her other hand. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Someone had taken off her shoes, and all of her toes were still attached to her foot. "Nice." Flower said aloud, as she twirled and bounced on one foot. "I'm as good as new."

Flower looked around the room, and wondered what had happened to Hedwig. Ah, well. She could take care of herself. Flower was more concerned about where she was at the moment. She spotted a door on the far side of the room, and she walked over to it, wondering what was on the other side.

"Eek!"

Flower instintively whirled, and tried to grab the sword on her hip. But it was not there. Figures.

Sitting in the corner, where Flower had neglected to look, sat a beauty of a teenage girl sitting in an a plush armchair. Her eyes were wide in horror.

"What the hell? What the hell are you doing here?" Flower snapped. In all of her three years training off planet, She had never, ever, ever, seen another human in all that time.

"I'm... here to watch over you." The girl stuttered. "Master ordered me too!"

"Well, you can tell your master I'm a big girl, and-" Flower stopped there, as she noticed the girl's ears. Pointed. "Son of a bitch." Flower swore. She turned on her heel and strutted off.

"Wait!" The girl exclaimed, as she got to her feet. "You can't go out there yet!"

Flower ignored her: Her status as an elf (Although, she was not deformed like her enslaved cousins) made her far inferior, and therefore, nothing she said could be trusted.

Flower wrenched the door open and found a hallway. She stepped outside smartly, slamming the door in the girl's face.

"Where the hell did Hedwig get to?" Flower wondered aloud. It had only just now occured to her that Hedwig must have spent some time searching for her amongst the stars. But why would she have done such a thing? If Voldemort had fallen before Flower had gotten a hold of him, she was going to be pissed.

She opened doors at random as she walked down the hall. Most were empty, but a couple had a few elves playing Mortal Kombat 2 on a old arcade machine. Fucking Elves.

Suddenly, a sharp noise began blaring, again, again, again, and again. Flower stood there in shock for a minute, before realizing that this was an alarm. What was the emergency?

Men began pouring out of doors on both ends of the hallway. Armed with nothing but their magic, they surrounded Flower.

"Hello." Flower said, trying to sound sultry. It came out rather raspy, however. Her body and mind may have been sharpened by years of training, but the 'no boys' rule Flower set for herself had not improved her seduction skills. Dammit.

"Any funny moves, Human, and we won't hesistate to hurt you." One of the men said.

"Oooh, how romantic." Flower snickered. "Anyway, Slave, you really shouldn't try to push me." Threats. Oh, how Flower loved to threaten people who tried to fuck with her...!

Murmers began to penetrate the crowd. Flower beamed. She must have gotten through to the beasts!

"Anyone who refers to the High Order of Elves, the last remaining beings in the Universe that understand the complete workings of all things, whether they be magical or mundane, as Slaves are no friends of ours."

Flower smirked. She spread her hands, and spoke her words of wisdom. "I see you are all operating under a delusion." She declared. "But whatever. I'm bored, and I think it's about time I headed on home. Do you guys have a spaceship?"

"Kill her." The elves said. The advanced forward, their hands brimming with magic, poised to kill.

"How rude!" Flower exclaimed. "This is so... ugh. I can't even get an honest answer around here." She disapparated back into the room where she had awoken, to find the girl from before standing in the doorway, watching the chaos.

"Hey, excuse me!" Flower said. The girl shrieked and turned around.

"How... did you...?"

"No time. Do you guys have a spaceship?" Flower asked. "I kind of need to get home, now."

"You can... teleport?" The girl asked. She seemed to be in shock.

"Yep. It's rather basic, kid." Flower said. "Answer the fucking question."

"Only... our greatest warrior can-"

"Wait, wait, wait." Flower said. "Who's that?"

"Ummm... She's only the most powerful being in the Universe right now." The girl said. Flower snickered. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing."

Flower apparated again, this time in excitement. Anyone who claimed to be 'the strongest in the Universe' was worth looking into, even though they almost certainly weren't that powerful.

As she looked down at the village from above, Flower adjusted her body to take the cold. She built up the power in her hand, and let loose. The Village exploded, and Flower laughed as millions upon millions of hapless elves perished.

Flower landed among the rubble and began looking through her handiwork. It was a very clean job. Destroying the remnants of a civilization while keeping the planet relatively unscarred was rather difficult.

Flower was so pleased with herself in fact, that she didn't notice the figure walking towards her as she patted herself on the back.

"You." She said. Flower turned on the spot, and came face to face with a elf over eight feet tall, who looked not at all happy.

"Hello." Flower said, brightly. "If anyone else survived, tell them that this came about because they were rude to their guest and a superior being. So I'll just-"

"You're going to die here." The elf said.

"No." Flower said firmly. "I'm really not."

"I am the product of several generations." She said. "The descendant of the greatest of all heroes, among the greatest of all races."

"Family doesn't mean shit." Flower said dismissively. "My parents suck, and look: I just destroyed an entire city."

"I am the most powerful being in the Universe." She proclaimed. "I feed off nothing but magic, and my magical core-"

Flower laughed. "I'm sorry, but no. Magical Core's are bullshit." Without taking a second thought, Flower blew her away.

She stood there, rather disappointed with her enemy gone, but she dismissed the thought. Flower had become stronger then ever, it seemed.

As Flower contemplated her place in the Universal rankings, a familiar voice croaked out: "Flower?"

"Hedwig!" Flower proclaimed, as her owl hovered over her. She dropped into Flower's arm.

"Ugh... I'm exhausted." Hedwig complained. "I've been flying around, waiting for you to wake up for days, and then when I take a quick nap, you wake up and trash the place."

"Sorry about that." Flower said dismissively. "Anyway, what did you want with me?"

"Why, to come back, of course!" Hedwig said.

"Of course." Flower said, nodding. "Ron's probably foaming at the mouth right about now... heh heh."

"No." Hedwig said. "Shut up, Flower. It's your brother who wants you."

Flower was understandably not very happy with this.

"WHAT THE HELL?" She shrieked. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?"

"Not sexually, you twit." Hedwig said. "I meant, he wants you to come back and fight Voldemort."

"Ah." Flower said, as she nodded. "That makes sense." She pounded her fist. "I'm going to punch Quirell so hard in both of his faces!"

They set off towards Hedwig's ship, Flower chattering happily about what she was going to do to Voldemort and his cronies. Hedwig sighed. Times were tough, after all.


	4. I Have to Say

I have to say, I really do not appreciate it when people refuse to review. I'm holding the next ten chapters hostage until I reach the 100 + Mark.

Thank you, and have a nice day.


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